Spactious - "Vector 27" 7"

Spacious – “Vector 27” 7”

Flying Nun Records, 1995

Acquired: Love Garden, Used, 2007

Price: $.25

The three songs on Spacious’ “Vector 27” 7” are the only three the band released. They’re of the solid, jangly indie pop variety you’d expect from Flying Nun. The group is comprised of David Saunders on guitar and vocals and Alan Haig on drums and, as expected, both guys were lifers in the Dunedin scene. Saunders most notably played with the 3Ds where Haig played with the Chills and the Verlaines. This 7-inch is great because it’s just some random-ass 7-inch I pulled out of Love Garden’s Shotgun Room and it enforces my belief that Flying Nun didn’t really have any weak links. There’s a joy to that label’s records you can’t really find anywhere else. Everyone was friends with everyone (or at least they all played in each others’ bands), the government money was flowing to keep everyone happy, and the result is a catalog of records that is pretty consistently great. I’ve yet to find a Flying Nun record that wasn’t at least a little rad. Another winner, no big surprise.

Superchunk - Here's Where the Strings Come In

Superchunk – Here’s Where the Strings Come In

Merge, 1995

Acquired: Discogs, Used, 2015

Price: $14

Jenny and I used to joke about my record collection being our “Cancer Fund.” So when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and the bills started piling up, I started listing records on Discogs. I didn’t go crazy, I just pulled out the ones I knew I didn’t really need. Unfortunately, since this straddled both 2014 and 2015, I had two deductibles and out-of-pocket maximum’s to meet, which weighted in at $4,000. I got the hospital to knock off a big chunk of what I owed them because we don’t even make enough money to pay rent anywhere, so that was cool, but the bills were still a headache. I did pretty good! But of course, I’m useless and for some bizarre reason I created a wantlist on discogs so I could counter all of my good hard work. I only bought three records, and only when the prices were just too good to refuse. And I bought them under the guise of “LIFE IS SHORT ENJOY YOURSELF.” Of course this was one of the records I bought, which is weird because I don’t think I had even listened to this album all the way through before it showed up on my doorstep.

While I hadn’t listened to Here’s Where the Strings Come In, I bought it without thinking because it contains one of my favorite Superchunk songs: “Detroit Has a Skyline.” Jesus Christ, just put that song on in the car, roll the windows down and try not to get in a wreck as you scream along at the top of your lungs and bash the dash with improvised faux-drum fills. If I found a karaoke bar that had that track on tap I’d never leave. It’s one of the great rock songs of our era and I dare you not to let this song grab you by the throat and drag you across the ground for three minutes.

Unsurprisingly Here’s Where the Strings Come In is as solid as every other Superchunk record. I can’t think of a band with a more stable discography. After the first couple of primordial records from about On the Mouth on the level of quality has never ever dipped (and you could probably even make it from No Pocky for Kitty on depending on how sentimental you are). There really isn’t a point where the wave crests; it just keeps rolling along, perfectly surfable. Strings might be the point where Superchunk showed no signs of letting up on the sweet-spot indie rock. It was cancer money well spent. Now if only I can get Indoor Living for a sweetheart deal…

"Detroit Has a Skyline"

Elliott Smith - "Needle in the Hay" 7"

Elliott Smith  - “Needle in the Hay” 7”

Kill Rock Stars, 1995

Acquired: Kill Rock Stars Mailorder, New, 2003

Price: $4

I spent many hours of my teenage years analyzing “Needle in the Hay.” Like many kids my age, I discovered Elliott Smith via the wrist-cutting sequence of The Royal Tenenbaums. Because of that, and through mishearing something Wes Anderson said on the audio commentary, I thought Elliott Smith had killed himself. I found out he was still alive! And two weeks later (and two weeks after I’d acquired this 7”) he killed himself. I remember coming home from school to that. Sitting at the family computer in the living room and letting punknews.org break the heartbreaking news. That memory is firmly attached this this 7”. As is riding the KU campus bus heartbroken. And thinking lines like “Man, I’m glad I’m not addicted to heroin” but also being able to find the deep, dark humor in a line like “You oughta be proud that I’m getting good marks.” Smith is his generation’s Nick Drake (who also has a song on The Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack, committed suicide, and wrote the same sort of sad, soulful songs that get inside of you and never come out) and a national treasure bound to be discovered and rediscovered for decades, centuries, millennia.

Smashing Pumpkins - "1979"/ "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" 7"

Smashing Pumpkins – “1979”/ “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” 7”

Virgin, 1995

Acquired: Half Price Books, Used, 2013

Price: $2

I was never a Smashing Pumpkins kid, or maybe I was, but they were just overshadowed by a bunch of other bands from my mid-teenage years. Actually, I take that back, because looking at it now I was totally a Smashing Pumpkins kid. In sixth grade I had my mom buy me the iconic Zero t-shirt from Kohls (a shirt I wore up until a couple years ago when it gave up the ghost and one where I had to constantly keep explaining no, it wasn’t a Scott Pilgrim shirt, although I secretly pretended I was Scott Pilgrim when I was wearing it) AND I made her take me to Wal-Mart to buy Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness on cassette. All of this stemmed from seeing Smashing Pumpkin videos constantly on MTV and VH1, and really responding to those videos in a positive way. “1979” with the ice cream truck, “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” where they’re playing in a landfill (watching it now, I don't think it's actually a landfill, but it's definitely somewhere gross), and their ode to Georges Meilies A Trip to the Moon with their video for “Tonight, Tonight.” I watched a lot of music videos between the hours of midnight and four-am when I was growing up, and those videos have always stuck with me. What’s great about this 7” is that it pairs the serenity of “1979” with the ugliness of “Bullet With Butterfly Wings”: Two sides of the same Smashing Pumpkins. The latter track is one for which I have a particular affinity, and quote on a regular basis in a joking manner. Lately, it’s been doing the voice I do for Rosie and having her say “the world is a vampire” and, when Jenny asks me how was work, I’ll routinely say “You know, despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage.” I think it’s hilarious, I cannot explain to you why. I’ve been doing this for years. It’s probably because these songs are ingrained in the fabric of my taste in music. Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness had a very long lifecycle and spawned six singles spanning from October 1995-November 1996. This single appears to be something spit out from a jukebox based on the little Jukebox tag for “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” tucked into the sleeve (but in reality it’s just missing the picture sleeve and not the jukeboxes only version).

"1979"

"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

B-Side Worship: Guided by Voices - "Dodging Invisible Rays"

Guided by Voices – “Dodging Invisible Rays”

Tigerbomb EP, 1995

Not only is this one of GBV’s best b-sides, it’s one of their best songs. It’s Tobin Sprout’s best contribution to the band’s discography, which is saying something considering his songs are so often better than Bob Pollard’s. Or maybe it just stands out in contrast to the three mega-weird Pollard tracks it precedes on this brisk EP (which also includes the single versions of “Game of Pricks” and “My Valuable Hunting Knife,” and back to back those songs are damn near unstoppable). “Dodging Invisible Rays” has all the shambling power of Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes but is obviously a brilliant standalone track that couldn’t be shoehorned into either of those collage-like records. One of my favorite things about GBV’s massive output is that, if you dig enough, you will ultimately uncover these perfect little gems. There’s something special about tracks like “Dodging Invisible Rays” or “Paper Girl” or “The Key Losers” or “Choking Tara (Creamy Version).” They’re underserviced and when you listen to them, you get the feeling that you’re the only person in the world listening to this particular track at this particular moment. This one, though, this one is my favorite. “Dodging Invisible Rays” also appears on a disc of demos, b-sides, and live cuts that came with a deluxe edition of their Best Of Human Amusements at Hourly Rates (also included on the disc dubbed Demons and Painkillers (I think this was also included with the Hardcore UFOs boxset). If you can find this version, it’s your perfect gateway to the greatest band of all time (after you’ve absorbed Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, of course).

Al Larsen with Katrina Mitchell - "Change Everything" 7"

Al Larsen with Katrina Mitchell – “Change Everything” 7”

K Records, 1995

Acquired: Half Price Books, Used, 2012

Price: $1

 

Some Velvet Sidewalk’s Al Larsen and Pastels drummer Katrina Mitchell team up for a set of spastic weirdo-pop that sorta sounds like Jonathan Richman with a cold. I honestly don’t know how these International Pop Underground keep finding their way into my record collection (oh wait, yes I do. I keep buying them because I see that shield around the K and my heart skips a beat even though the IPU stuff is very hit or miss).

Here's Some Velvet Sidewalk's "Mousetrap" from Larsen's glory days:

Kleenex Girl Wonder - Exotic Nitwits Keep Exotic Pets

Kleenex Girl Wonder – Exotic Nitwits Keep Exotic Pets EP

Mugcake, 1995

Acquired: Love Garden, Used, 2008

Price: $5

 

This is the debut EP from one of the great unsung indie pop bands of the 90s. Granted, I’m particularly partial to KGW because their 20+ song albums, lo-fi aesthetics, and complete willingness to be batshit weird gives them a Guided By Voices kid brother vibe that, naturally, I fucking love. Maybe it’s the Midwest (KGW was born in suburban Chicago, more specifically the hilariously named burb Downers Grove) that does strange things to young rock n’ roll men. Though this EP does not contain the soaring ramshackle pop gems of their 1999 masterwork Ponyoak and perhaps strays too far onto the GBV spectrum to the point where most of the slow acoustic songs make me thing the needle accidentally skipped onto Alien Lanes, I appreciate the weirdness. And besides, this album came out the same year as Alien Lanes, so it’s hard to call Exotic Nitwits derivative. Quite the contrary! I’d say KGW’s playfulness and knack for making music that is both mega-lofi and tuneful, and while this release is about as shambling as shambling gets, it’s still promising enough to forecast Kleenex Girl Wonder’s bright and wonderful future (even though they didn’t achieve much commercial exposure, Graham Smith & Co should know in their hearts that they are fucking awesome).  

Fun Fact: Kleenex Girl Wonder put out a new album this year! It’s called Let it Buffer, I’m listening to it on Spotify right now and it’s great and it’s comforting to know this band is still kicking around (and churning out some pretty gnarly power pop to boot).

I couldn't find any of the tracks from this record on the webs, so here's "Five Guitars" from Ponyoak, which you should definitely track down and give a spin.

Johnny Hash - "Summer of Cum"/"Rat Petal" 7"

Johnny Hash – “Summer of Cum” 7”

In the Red, 1995

Acquired: Love Garden Shotgun Room, Used, 2008

Price: $.25

 

It took me a minute to realize that this band’s name was a joke. “Wait, should this be under H?” I thought. Then I was like “Oh, it’s pry a name that is a band name but not the name of someone in the band.” “Oh, hash, like hashbrowns.” “Oh, hash like drugs.” “OH IT IS A PLAY ON JOHNNY CASH I GET IT!” So there’s my thought process. Also, I gotta say, “Summer of Cum” is probably the best sleazy song title you’re gonna find anywhere, especially when paired up with the song itself which is basically grimy blues rock played into the worst recording equipment imaginable. It sounds like total garbage, which is the point, which is why I’m grooving down on this 7”. This is before the White Stripes made bluesy garage rock hip again (I’m still taken aback every time I hear a crowd chanting the hook from “Seven Nation Army” at a massive sporting event). The b-side, the almost equally excellently titled “Rat Petal” is more subdued, but just as grungy and fueled by guitars that are so distorted they sound like they’re being played through a concrete wall. Tracing the genealogy of the band is tricky since in the 18-20 years since this 7”s release (I’ve seen the release date listed as 1993, 1994, and 1995, and of course it’s nowhere on the sleeve) multiple folks have made the same play-on-famed-country-singer’s-name game (notably white rapper Johnny Ha$h). From what I could find, the group is a duo (Dan Brown and Marty Moore) with roots in the Mick Collins (the Dirtbombs) side project the Screws. The Mick Collins tie makes me think they’re from Detroit, but since these songs were recorded in Memphis I’m not so sure. It certainly sounds like dirty Detroit garage rock, that’s for damn sure. The selling point though was that this was released on In the Red records (although I’m sure even if it wasn’t on a label I knew, I still would have bought it for the title “Summer of Cum” that’s for damn sure) which I thought had popped up fairly recently with the mid-to-late 00s garage rock revival (Vivian Girls, Jay Reatard, the Black Lips, and pretty much every other band of that ilk released SOMETHING on In the Red. I remember when I was music director at KJ seeing In the Red’s neat little VU meter label on the back of a CD usually meant that the CD would at least be listened to) but no, it’s been around since 1991 and released tons and tons and tons of awesome shit.

"Summer of Cum (For Robert Wyatt)"


"Rat Petal"

Guided By Voices - Tigerbomb EP

Guided by Voices – Tigerbomb EP

Matador, 1995

Acquired: Love Garden, Used, 2009

Price: $4

 

The Tigerbomb EP feels like a convenient way for Bob Pollard to play revisionist with the two best tracks from Alien Lanes. The studio versions of “Game of Pricks” and “My Valuable Hunting Knife” are the first real step towards the clean, professionally recorded sound GBV adopted for the rest of its career (until last year’s classic line-up reunion). I don’t think it’s fair to be the sort of purist who wish GBV had just stayed in the garage recording pop gem after pop gem into a shitty four track, so I sort of love these re-recorded versions. Both versions of “Game of Pricks” offer something different. On Alien Lanes it crashes into the room and you just stand there like an idiot with your jaw dropped and hit repeat until your ears fall off. Still, Pollard knows it’s the best song he’s ever written, and the studio version amps everything up so that the song just fucking sparkles. You could play “Game of Pricks” on a child’s toy piano and it would still be a great song, because that’s how great songs work: no matter how you dress them down or doll them up, they always have that core of greatness that makes them shine.

I particularly enjoy the rerecorded version of “My Valuable Hunting Knife,” even though I think it works better in its stripped down version. The studio version brings some extra swagger to the table though. There’s a kind of reeling, drunken stumble to the track despite the crisp studio production. It’s borderline danceable! The middle chunk of this album is a strange tour through the weirder parts of Bob Pollard’s 1,000+ BMI registered songs. The title of “Mice Feel Nice (in my Room)” is better than the song itself which features future GBV guitarist Doug Gillard on guitar and is one of those Pollard tracks that sounds like he’s singing from the bottom of an empty can of Spaghetti-Os. “Not Good For the Mechanism” is a throwaway little shouter, but “Kiss Only the Important Ones” is a dusty gem. It sounds like a poorly recorded demo traced during some downtime at the studio, but it’s one of those quiet little heartstring-tuggers that Pollard hides in his discography like buried treasure.

Tigerbomb's highlight is Tobin Sprout’s lone contribution: “Dodging Invisible Rays.” When I first started listening to GBV, Tobin Sprout’s songs were always my favorites. They were the ones that made me stick around. Sprout sort of acts like the buddy who vouches for the drunken Pollard. “No, just give him a chance, I swear the guy’s a genius!” Sprout says with his psychedelic-pop tinged songs and their supreme, brain-melting melodies. I’ve always liked the idea that Pollard was the erratic genius, recording every single song that popped into his head and Sprout was the bespectacled nerd behind the desk weeding out all the crap and mining for gold. I barely even need to say that their dynamic is my favorite in the history of rock n’ roll. Fuck Lennon/McCartney. Pollard/Sprout forever. Anyway, “Dodging Invisible Rays” is the best song Tobin Sprout ever contributed to GBV. It’s just so loose and brilliant. I remember the first time I heard it, which was the day I bought this EP. I sat there on my floor in front of my record player at the Pink House and let it wash over me. And played the song five more times. When I joined a band, I made my band mates learn this so we could play it. Playing this track live to practically no one at the Replay Lounge was one of the most satisfying moments of my life.

I love Guided by Voices because there is so much wrapped up in these unassuming, often poorly recorded songs. In the band’s sprawling discography you can find everything you could ever possibly want to feel. There is quite literally a song for every occasion. Graduation? “Echoes Myron.” Summer Barbecue? “Dayton Ohio Nineteen-Something-And-Five.” Ok, I’m biased. But that’s ok. I tend to not trust people who won’t tell me their favorite band straight-up. The common tendency when asked this question is to say “I like a lot of music” and while that’s totally true, come on. Deep down, what is the song of your soul? If you put a stethoscope up to my heart it would probably thump out the beat to “Smothered in Hugs.” While it’s important to listen to a lot of music and love a lot of bands, I think it’s equally important to be obsessive about one. That was what was so great about working at a college radio station. I met people with these great obsessions who weren’t ashamed to say they worshipped Pavement or the Pixies or Wu-Tang Clan. Never be ashamed! God, I sound like an evangelist. I feel like an evangelist when I talk about Guided by Voices to the uninitiated. Just the other day at work some GBV CDs came in and one of my coworkers said they’d never listened to them but heard good things and I went off. It’s hard to contain, it’s weird and I get this crazy gleam in my eye whenever I get a chance to wax rhapsodic about GBV, and I don’t think that will ever change. And I don’t want it to change. For our anniversary my wife got me a signed, screen printed Bob Pollard poster purchased online directly from Pollard’s wife. It was basically the best gift anyone could ever give me. Like ever. For some people, reading the Bible and developing a personal relationship with Jesus gives their life meaning. For me, listening to Bee Thousand and developing a personal (I FEEL LIKE I REALLY KNOW HIM OK!) relationship with Bob Pollard gives my life meaning. And that’s alright with me. 

"Dodging Invisible Rays"

"My Valuable Hunting Knife" 

"Game of Pricks" 

Glo-Worm - "Travelogue" 7"

Glo-Worm – “Travelogue” 7”

K Records, 1995

Acquired: K Records Mail Order, New, 2008

Price: $4

 

Years back I was visiting a friend in St. Louis and as we were driving down the highway, Black Tambourine’s Complete Recordings drifted through the speakers. It was the first time I had ever heard of Black Tambourine, and the first time I would hear Pam Berry’s voice, which would become my absolute favorite of the indie pop realm for years to come. She went on to join or found bands that released a few 7”s and disbanded. Bright Coloured Lights, Veronica Lake, Belmondo, Seashell Sea, the Shapiros, the Pines, Powderburns, The Relict, the Castaway Stones (who actually had a full-length that is pretty good) and Glo-Worm. I think that about rounds it out. Glo-Worm had softer edges than Black Tambourine’s punk-via-Phil-Spector sound and the songs on this 7” are downright tender. I have always loved Berry’s voice because it sounds so normal. I think of that Silver Jews lyric, “All my favorite singers couldn’t sing.” Glo-Worm (and the Castaway Stones) are about as twee as twee gets. Sweet, softly strummed guitars, delicate little lilting melodies played on a keyboard, and a shaker supplementing the primarily snare-drum percussion. It’s lovely stuff. It’s also a fascinating counterpoint to what you expect from the traditional edges and angles of the DC music scene. Glo-Worm sounds like it was recorded on some lush, rainy paradise, which is fitting because this is sort of the ultimate rainy day music. Low-key, staring out the window watching the water pool in the streets music. Lovely and harmless and the physical embodiment of twee-pop.

Gem - "Sheep" 7"

Gem – “Sheep” 7”

Carcrashh, 1995

Acquired: Love Garden Shotgun Room, Used, 2008

Price: $.25

 

I purchased this 7” specifically because the sleeve featured still photographs from Francois Truffaut’s The 400 Blows, which is my absolute favorite film of all time. The music is pretty standard mid-90s indie rock. A-Side “Sheep” adopts a fast-paced power-pop angle and goes on a bit too long. B-Side “Smiling All the While” has a jangly, down-tempo vibe and is the real winner on this 7”. Assuming it’s a battle, as each song was written by a different guy. This would be a fairly commonplace 7” if it weren’t for the fact that Gem was comprised of Tim Tobias and Doug Gillard. Both Tobias and Gillard were instrumental in the last phase of Guided by Voices, and I won’t lie, when I saw “Written by D. Gillard” and “Written by T. Tobias” I kind of flipped. Just a little bit. While the latter GBV records aren’t my favorite and got a little too slick for my liking (note: I always give these records a pass because I feel like it was always Bob Pollard’s dream to be in a big, slick rock n’ roll band and these guys helped him achieve that). Still, both of these guys are players in my absolute favorite band of all time so this Gem warrant a bit of special attention.

Doug Gillard played lead guitar in GBV from Mag Earwhig! to Half Smiles of the Decomposed and is best known for writing Mag Earwhig!’s “I am a Tree.” It’s one of the few non-Pollard tracks not written by Tobin Spout to pop up on a GBV release, and you can tell because it’s totally uncharacteristic. For starters, the damn thing is about twice as long as it needs to be. It’s repetitive and it’s boring. Strangely, I hear this song on KJHK all the time. I’m pretty sure if a DJ is unfamiliar with the sacred discography of Dayton, Ohio’s Finest, they just grab this one and I’m sure the review says “PLAY ‘I AM A TREE.’” Gem actually recorded their own version of the track in 1997. Come to think of it, the Doug Gillard song on this 7” is about twice as long as it needs to be and repetitive and boring! GO FIGURE! For all of my knocks against Gillard, he is a talented guitarist and I’ve always been partial to the guitar work on Isolation Drills, easily the best GBV record from the latter period. Gillard is a bit of a journeyman indie rocker. In addition to Gem and GBV, he played with Cobra Verde (natch, considering Cobra Verde basically became Bob Pollard’s backing band from Mag Earwhig! up til the (first) bitter end (until GBV rose like the mighty phoenix once more)), Lifeguards (one of Bob Pollard’s myriad side projects) and played drums and guitar with My Dad is Dead they moved to Chapel Hill in addition to putting out a slew of albums under his own name. He ended up being exactly the kind of lead guitarist that could help Bob Pollard fulfill his rockstar fantasies.

Tim Tobias played bass with GBV from Isolation Drills through Earthquake Glue. His brother Todd served as Gem’s bassist and is another frequent Pollard collaborator. Both Tobias brothers play in Circus Devils, which is another one of the Pollard’s myriad on-going side projects he has to strike up just to deal with the sheer volume of his songwriting. Todd is also Bobby P’s primary knob turner and in addition to producing most of his solo albums (if not all) produced the last three GBV records (before the classic line-up reunion). Though Tim is the least prolific of all Gem’s members, that bass line on GBV’s “TheBest of Jill Hives” is unforgettable. I am endlessly fascinated with the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” qualities of 90s bands. The way certain guys move around like car parts. GBV wasn’t always the most well oiled machine, but goddamn if it didn’t keep running without breaking down too much.

Once again, the excellent blog Wilfully Obscure has MP3s. 

Guided by Voices - Alien Lanes

Guided by Voices – Alien Lanes
Matador, 1995
Acquired: Love Garden, New, 2012
Price: $14

I feel like I’ve already written about this album on this blog. I mean, do I really need to express how I feel about Alien Lanes? It’s like one of my built in personality traits. Ian is tallish, shy, and Guided by Voices. No even loves Guided by Voices. It’s just there. In my blood and stuff. I’m one of those people. If you ask me to make you a mix CD I’ll make you three, and then outline why the way I’ve ordered the songs is optimal for your listening experience. “The later stuff is full of great pop hooks, but it gets very hit or miss in the absence of Tobin Sprout who really kept Bob Pollard in check on those great albums. The holy trinity, Bee Thousand, Alien Lanes, and Under the Bushes Under the Stars.” The thing about GBV is that they so warrant obsession. It’s like perfect tornado conditions or something. A massive discography (Pollard apparently has over 1,000 songs registered in his name with BMI) that you can only do your best to listen to all of, great songs buried on albums laced with tape hiss and cast offs barely worth the magnetic strip they’re occupying but they’re there anyway. It’s so pure and unfiltered, and seeing the bad songs helps you appreciate the great ones that much more. It’s like the whole process of the band is documented from day one. Like there wasn’t a single idea they didn’t record. Sure, it makes for some hit or miss, but good lord the hits are some of the most potent pop songs of all time. Maybe that’s overexaggerating, or is it? I mean, I think Guided By Voices are better than the Beatles, but that’s just me. The Stones? Please. Pollard and Sprout over Jagger and Richards any fucking day. Especially with the classic line-up.

Alien Lanes is just as good as Bee Thousand, if not better. I don’t subscribe to one being superior, but the parallel theory. That some sort of metaphysical anomaly occurred in Dayton, OH in 1994-1995 that changed the game. The thing about Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes is how far superior they are to every other record in GBV’s discography. They are perfect. There are fillery songs, but they’re there to accent the real cream. Just look at how “(I Wanna Be a) Dumbcharger” brings you into a brown haze and then that beautiful bring A power chord hits and you’re suddenly in the most perfect minute and thirty-three seconds of your life. “Game of Pricks.” I didn’t even have to look up the running time, that’s the kind of GBV obsessive I am. And the thing is, ALL GBV obsessives are like this. It’s cultish, really, but I think that’s the point.

I know I said that Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes are parallel, but I should clarify one thing: Bee Thousand is the better album (sequencing, clarity of vision, etc) whereas Alien Lanes has better songs. Surefire hits like “A Good Flying Bird,” “Game of Pricks” (easily the crown jewel of GBV’s expansive (understatement) discography), “As We Go Up We Go Down,” “Blimps Go 90,” “My Valuable Hunting Knife,” “Motor Away” and under the radar stunners like “King and Caroline,” “Ex-Supermodel,” “Alright,” and that magnificent drinking anthem opener “A Salty Salute.” The hits are just so much hotter on Alien Lanes. And the thing is, all the best songs are under two minutes long. That’s a beautiful tactical manouever if there ever was one. Crafting these glorious hooks, playing them out JUST long enough and never banking in repeating the chorus for five minutes like modern pop music. It leaves you wanting more. Makes the songs practically infinitely repeatable. I’m not much of an American. Not really. But Guided by Voices is one of those things that reminds me that America has the potential to be absolutely great. I mean, we produced the greatest band of all time, didn’t we? Look at those American Flag chucks Pollard is wearing on the back of the sleeve! That’s America right there! These five schulbby dudes hanging out in a cluttered basement, either before or after or during the process of making an unfuckwithable masterpiece. It’s not even something that can be argued. I’m a pretty even-handed dude, always willing to see things from someone else’s point of view and to quick to admit I’m wrong when I’m wrong. However, if you dismiss Guided by Voices, I will probably think less of you. I don’t want to be this way, but I can’t help it. Maybe that’s hyperbole, I won’t think less of you, I just won’t understand you. I know it tanked at least one potential relationship in college when I found out this girl “just didn’t really get why this band was supposed to be so great.” I tried to show her the way, I made like two mix CDs and wrote out a listening guide but after that, I knew it was toast. Maybe that just helped me realize that the compatibility issues were deeper than I could see because I just wanted a girlfriend. Jenny loved Guided by Voices though, and when we got married, she knew she was marrying my obsession and was OK with that and downright supportive. She came with me to see them in Minneapolis on the Classic Line-Up tour and thought it was awesome. I think that’s when I realized I was going to propose to her as soon as I had enough cash to buy a ring. It seems downright baseless to judge someone because they don’t like some silly band, but to me GBV ISN’T just a silly band. It’s my favorite band, something I’ve spent the last eight years internalizing and to hear a dismissal of the band to my face is like a personal insult. There’s something about a bunch of dudes in their 30s getting together and deciding to be rock stars. Not with lofty ambitions (ok, Pollard maybe), but just for their own personal wellbeing. For fun. Dudes with families and day jobs and mortgages. That’s the human spirit right there, and I want to live my life like that. To just say fuck it, let’s get drunk and record music in the garage.