Kiss – Peter Criss
Acquired: Love Garden Shotgun Room, Used, 2008
So, the story is I found ¾ of the Kiss solo records in the Shotgun Room one day. They had all but Ace, which was disappointing. A month or so ago I saw the Ace record for $3 and for some dumb reason I didn't pick it up and complete the set. I've never listened to these until now, but I knew someday I would. I'm doing these alphabetically by last name, so right now I'm listening to the record by the kitten. I was hoping this would be a bunch of piano ballads like “Beth,” but really it's a fucking cheesy faux-rock n' roll with bordering-on-disco synths a lot of the time. Basically, this is really really really really really bad, but I knew it was going to be really really really really really bad. According to Wikipedia, Criss co-wrote less than half the songs (and no, that does not mean that he wrote the rest on his own). It's painfully obvious that this guy wasn't a composer. He was the guy with the huge drum set, he's a heavy metal drummer! That's all he is, and this is just embarrassing...mostly for me because I own this and I don't think I can get rid of it because I know sometime I'm gonna have a chance to put this on at a party for great comedic effect. “There's no tomorrow without you,” Criss sings on “Don't Let Me Down,” which is as close to “Beth” as this thing gets (“Easy Thing” is another cheapshot, as well, featuring a fucking AMAZING falsetto flutter at the end of the chorus). Actually, this thing is so bad I actually like it. The mixing and produciton is so horrendous that it's really fun listening to every cheesy aspect of every cheesy song. I mean, seriously, with song titles like “That's the Kind of Sugar Papa Likes” and “Hooked on Rock 'n' Roll,” this is almost like listening to a Spinal Tap record. It sounds like he's trying to be hard. I mean, everyone else in Kiss was kind of crazy and/or cool or even maybe badass, even with the make-up. Even Ace was fucking cool, but Peter? Peter, you're the Cat. You chose to dress up like a fucking kitty cat and now I see why. Because you're a pussy!